Home Fires – Chapter Nine: Checkmate
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It was just about to begin. The fighting, that is.
Gargatok led his lads out of the treeline for the first time in what seemed like forever. Before them, a field of waist deep green topped with a pale amber stretched into the distance. Directly ahead was their prize: the Farm.
Of course, there were lots of farms on Altea, but Gargatok had picked this one out special. It had lots of machines for humies to get food from all the crops. It had lots of big tall buildings full of humie food that was good for you but tasted nasty. Best of all, it had lots of stuff humies put on the ground that was the best stuff to make dakka with. This was the prize. If they could smash the humies before they raised an alarm, all of the loot would be back at camp before humie bombers could retaliate.
Gargatok montioned, and as one, the wave of lads crept across the field. The plan was to stay low until the sirens went up and then rush the farm. Gargatok kept taking stuttering steps, each one anticipating the alarm so that he would be out front.
The alarm never came.
A few feet into the field. Then halfway, then they were to the perimeter fence. No alarm sounded. The farm was silent. There weren’t even any humies about.
“Whadda we do, boss?” one lad whispered.
“Look all over. Find any humies, an’ don’t krump ‘em.” Gargatok replied. The lads spread out. Gargatok scratched his head as the lads searched. Humies should be spreadin’ nasty chemicals ta kill bugz or sprayin’ water on plants. Big operation like this should have lots of humies, maybe more than lots. Where were they?
“Boss!” a voice shouted. “Found a humie! Ovva ‘ere!” a lad motioned to a squat gray structure off to the side of the farm. Gargatok legged it as fast as he could run. He ducked into the humie sized door and found a narrow hallway. Gargatok followed the dirty footprints and shouting in Orkish to a room full of shiny monitors. Two of his lads were holding a humie in the nicest looking chair Gargagtok had ever seen. This must be what humies called a “throne.” It was padded and had levers that were probably for doing important stuff. This humie couldn’t be the Emprah. That big git was supposed to be on Terra, where the humies came from. This humie was probably just some sort of king.
Gargatok reached into the recesses of his mind to talk in the humie language. “Awright, humie king. Giddoutta dat throne. Where’s all da uvver humies at?”
The humie stood. “Throne? You mean my work chair?”
“SHADDUP!” Gargatok bellowed. “Dey’s supposed to be humies ‘ere! Where dey at? Dis some sort of kunnin humie trap?”
“Boss! Look! BEEKIES!” a boy shouted with glee.
Gargatok spun, choppa ready, but no Beekie was behind him. Instead, the lad was pointing at the monitors. On them, big crowds of humies were in a line. Too many to count, so probably more than five. Right down the middle, a long line of Beekies was marching. They was blue, proppa color.
“Where’s dis ‘appenin’?” Gargatok said to the king.
The king stammered a bit. “Uh… the capitol?”
“Where’s dat?”
The king said some stuff that didn’t make much sense to Gargatok until he put his choppa to the king’s throat. The king then threw out a pointed arm. “That way! The big city!”
The city. Gargatok knew where it was. He turned back to the monitors. Humie words were on the screen.
“Whuzzis say?” he pointed to the scrolling chiron.
“It… it’s the parade for Captain Antonius.” The king spat.
“Who’s dis ‘Cap’n Antonius?”
“Uh, he’s the leader of the Azure Flames. The ones that saved us from… uh… the Orks… long ago.”
So, Bonespitta was right. Gargatok grabbed one of the lads in the room.
“You, lad! You is now da minder for dis humie king. We’s takin’ ‘im fer ransom. If he tries to run away, hit ‘im but don’ krump ‘im.”
“Yes boss!” the king’s new attendant shouted.
Gargatok looked at the other lads. “You lot! Run out an’ tell da lads ta loot everyfing! Trukks, grub, anyfing layin’ about! We’z gonna loot dis place to da ground!”
They shouted “Yes boss!” as they ran outside.
“An’ you…” he said in humie as he turned back to the king “… is comin’ wif US!”
The humie king fell over.