When Fluff and Reality collide: Retcons

New gamers find the worlds they explore full of stories.  Some are wonderful.  Some aren’t.  But there’s so much to read and enjoy that it all averages out to a good time.

However, the older gamers have a more intimate relationship with the fluff.  The problem with this is that these stories keep getting added to, and the new authors have their own ideas, some of which don’t mesh with the older established canon.

I ran into this in Warhammer 40K around the time the 4th edition Space Marine codex came out.  Some authors were writing about what no man should write about: The Horus Heresy.  In this fluff, the Salamanders Space Marine Chapter was changed.  They used to be the “space black people.”  While this was pretty racist, at least there WERE some black people in 40K.  Everyone else seemed like they were direct descendants of europeans.

The Horus Heresy novels and the 4th edition Space Marine codex changed that.  Now they weren’t african black, they were BLACK black.  Like Chaos black.  Like the darkest night that crushes your dreams.  Plus they had glowing red eyes.  Not only did this invalidate all the fluff previously written by GW or by fans, it also made people’s paint jobs not reflect the background anymore.  Plus black skin and red eyes looks stupid.

My Space Marine chapter, the Azure Flames, was a Vulkan successor.  So, I retconned my OWN fluff and altered the background so that they were mysteriously not jet black with red eyes.

Gene-Seed

The Azure Flames have the distinction of being the first official successor chapter to inherit Vulkan’s Gene-Seed.  This has led to some uncomfortable questions.  It is rumored that the Salamanders have jet black skin and glowing red eyes.  It is quite obvious that this is not the case with the Azure Flames, as they exhibit a remarkable range of skin, hair, and eye colors.  Perhaps the Azure Flames have a mutated Gene Seed which reacts to radiation differently, or perhaps the seeds for the appropriate organelles were taken from a different Primarch.  Whatever the reason, the Techpriests of Mars and the Apothecaries of the Azure Flames do not speak of it.

This is not limited to GW.  Privateer Press retconned several facts about the Cygnar character Allister Caine.  Sadly, no matter what you think, canon is canon.  You can’t make GW NOT have changed the official fluff.  So you either adapt to it, or you become a cranky old man who wakes up screaming at night that Ork blood is green.

Communities of Gaming: How Studio 40K saved Chaos

I’d like to share a little story that proves to me how much having a gaming group can mean.

One of the players in our old gaming group, Studio 40K, was Matt.  Of course, there was another Matt (the one I panited Gehn for) so we called this Matt “Little Matt” much to his dismay.  Matt played Chaos.  Matt LOVED Chaos.  He had two Chaos Space Marine armies: Khornate and Iron Warriors.  His Khornate army was the first to teach me: DON’T LET BERZERKERS GET A CHARGE.  His Iron Warriors showed me that Chaos with guns was just as brutal.  He loved putting plasma pistols on aspiring champions, which was odd because he always ended up overheating.

Matt rarely brought both armies to club, as that was too much to carry.  He did have several of the old GW black cases for each army.  One day he brought his Khorne army.  He was a bit early, and only myself and a few others were there.  Foolishly we went to go get our armies and some terrain from a car.

Matt’s Khorne army was gone by the time we got back.

Although Matt’s favorite army was the Iron Warriors, he still loved the Khorne army and put a huge amount of work into it.  Not to mention several hundred dollars.  He was beside himself with rage.

During the night, the club took up a secret collection.  Next week we presented Matt with several hundred dollars, scraped up from the spare bills in the wallets of all the club members.  Some gave even more generously.  Matt used the money to expand his Iron Warriors, as he liked them better than the Khorne army anyway.

Our group was something special.  I hope to found that kind of special bond for students in the club I wish to make when I get a High School job.  If they band together the same way Studio 40K did, they’ll be friends for life and have an experience they’ll never forget.

P.S. If you are the guy that stole 2 black cases from Mary Mayo hall in the winter of 2001-2002, please die in a garbage compactor.

Memorable Games: Andy’s Map Campaign (me vs. Lexington)

For those unfamiliar with Map Campaigns, check out this link: http://fourstrandshobby.com/2011/02/13/memorable-games-joes-map-campaign/

Familiar with the basics?  Good.  Joe’s was not the only memorable map campaign.  Andy put on TWO.  One for Fantasy and one for 40K.  I didn’t participate in the Fantasy one, but it was a GREAT idea.  Essentially, a new Island appeared in the Warhammer Fantasy world, rich with Warpstone deposits.  Every territory had a value.  Coastal areas were a 6+, inland was 5+ and the slopes of the central mountain were a 4+, while the caldera was a 2+ but had nasty side effects if you rolled a 1.  You got Warpstone from successful rolls each week, and the player with the most warpstone won.  A great idea.  Fantasy had never been played as much at our old Studio 40K club.

Andy’s other campaign was pretty standard.  Unlike Joe’s campaign it was every person for themselves!  I forget who “won” but it was just because the campaign went on too long.  Here’s why I’ll never forget the campaign:

Me and Lexington had a knock-down drag-out competition the whole time.  We literally never fought anyone else.  We had some GREAT games that boiled down to this:  If the Orks got there, Lexington won.  If they didn’t I won.  Zagdakka, Lex’s Warboss had some great victories and some horrible defeats.  Par for the course for Zagdakka.  My army leader was a 35 point Space Marine.  Back in the 3rd edition there was a Space Marine HQ choice that had a Veteran Sergeant statline for 30 points.  I gave him a Storm Bolter and boom: HQ slot filled for 35 points letting me take more Terminators and Devastators.

Another cool thing about Andy’s 40K campaign was that all the territories were occupied except one.  This territory belonged to the Nightbringer and Andy’s Necrons.  This was between me and Lex, so no other player could get to it without going through us.  On the last night of the tournament, I attacked the Nightbringer.  Andy left the model at home, so he ceded and declared that I won!  This has to be the easiest kill of a horrific star god clad in living metal EVER.

The origins of the Saratogan 58th

Saratoga is an unassuming little world in the galactic southwest of the Segmentum Ultima, between Valedor and Boras Minor. Discovered around the Age of Apostasy, Saratoga was founded, and soon developed a planet-spanning industrial infrastructure.

Saratoga was initially a patriarichal society, like most Imperial worlds. This changed when the planetary governor fell under the influence of Chaos and attempted to secede. Rebel citizens loyal to the Emperor took up arms, and through a long and bloody civil war, expelled the heretics. Most of the armed forces were made up of men at the time, so the rebellion had to draw upon women for support.

Since then, women have been proud to serve in the Saratogan armed forces. Whenever an Imperial Guard regiment is mustered, it is an integrated fighting force of men and women. Women traditionally make up 35-55% of Saratogan forces. Saratoga does not have abundant resources, and so often only has one to three regiments active in service at a time. These regiments are used until worn through, and then either reinforced from new Saratogan recruits, or disbanded. Rarely, a regiment is wiped out. Whenver a regiment is disbanded or destroyed, it’s number is retired, and a memorial is built on Saratoga.

Currently, the only active regiment from Saratoga is the 58th. Nicknamed the “Wild Cards” from their adaptability and fighting prowess, they have been in service for approximatley 95 years. Reinforced from Saratoga regularly, they maintain almost constant combat activity, punctuated by short periods of rest and re-training.

The “Wild Cards” have seen action in the Segmentums Solar, Ultima, and Tempestus, most notably during their actions on Julius during the Chasma Spica incident. Currently under the command of Tyrus Cassius McQueen, whose fiery temper and refusal to leave behind trapped Saratogan units has earned him the nickname “The Angriest Angel.” McQueen’s signature black beret and his height make him an imposing and inspiring figure.

Because of Saratoga’s constant supplies of soldiers, planetary population is nowhere near where it could be. To supplement this, Saratoga grows clones in glass artificial wombs. The clones, called “tanks” after the tanks they grow in, are born fully grown, and after about five years of training are ready to fight or enter society. “Tanks can be identified by a small protrusion at the back of the neck, leading “tanks” to be referred to as “nipple-necks.” Most “tanks” choose to serve in the Guard, as they are indoctrinated for loyalty during their “education.” Guard recruitment rates among “tanks” were at 90% before T.C. McQueen took command of the 58th. A “tank” himself, his inspiring loyalty and tales of heroism has boosted “tank” recruitment to 97%. This has left the civillian population free to expand, and as of c999m41, a new founding of a Saratogan regiment is expected to happen within the next 50 years.

DISCLAIMER: The above fluff was inspired by the television show Space: Above and Beyond by 20th Century Fox Television and Hard Eight Pictures.  No copyright infringement was intended and indeed this is meant as a tribute.  Games Workshop is unaffiliated with either of the above entities, but it would be cool if they were.

Leonidas, Captain of the First Company of the Azure Flames

NOTE TO ALL READERS: THIS FLUFF WAS CONCEPTUALIZED AND PARTIALLY WRITTEN AT LEAST 7 YEARS BEFORE THE MOVIE 300 CAME OUT.

Modeling

Leonidas is the model with the Heavy Flamer and the Hammer.  The ORIGINAL Leonidas model was made by Joe for a guy called King Douche Greg who ran our LARP and played Salamanders.  He sold his army to “Big” Matt T. and Matt used most of it to expand his Chaos army.  I bought the Leonidas model from Matt T. and did a slight repaint, hitting the rims and knees with white.  He originally had a pistol, and I added a shield and used him as a Comapny Champion.

When the latest Space Marine Codex came out, Vulkan He’Stan was a must-have character.  Arguments on the internet say that the Space Marine Codex is only competitive with him, and agree or not he is a VERY useful golf club to have in your bag.  I decided that Leonidas would be the perfect stand-in.  So I stripped the original Leonidas Model.  I replaced the shoulder and lower part of the right arm.  I added a new left arm, and modified a Dreadnought Heavy Flamer with a shaved meltabomb to be Leonidas’ Heavy Flamer.  I replaced the head with the masked head from the Space Marine Captain box.  The backpack, torso, and legs are the originals.  I added the Cross from the Terminator box set to the left knee.

The company champion with the sword upraised is the Emperor’s Champion model.  The Flame was added with putty.  I also added a Fantasy shield.

The company champion that is pointing with the sword uses the helmet of the Ultramarine character Chronus, with the Mk 9 sergeant armor.  The sword is from the Space Marine Captain box, and the shield is another fantasy shield.

All three backpacks are Xavier Salamander Mantles.

Painting

Leonidas’ original paint job was a Salamanders scheme, but darker as King Douche Greg used Dark Angels green instead of Snot Green.  I improved this paint job with the white rims and knees.  To fit it into the Azure Flames, I made up the story in the Background section below.

I repainted the new Leonidas in a similar scheme.  I added the Ivy detailing and lettering by hand.  This is the scheme shown above, the “original” colors of the “Sons of the Salamander.”  I wrote the Vision of Atrus story specifically to include the mini made by Joe in my army, and explain why he was painted in different colors.

Backstory

Unlike most youths who voluntarily submit applications to the Azure Flames (then the Sons of the Salamander) as a tithe from a grateful world, Leonidas of house Atraps joined the chapter by crashing the tests.

Literally.

Leonidas’ parents were wealthy aristocrats on a world called Orpheus.  When the Sons of the Salamander prevented Orks from entering orbit, the chapter requested that Orpheus allow any boys of age apply to the rigorous physical and mental tests to join.  His parents forbade him from applying, so Leonidas stole his father’s private shuttle and crashed it into the testing facilities.  The crash was probably due to the fact that Leonidas had never flown before.  Luckily there was warning and few were hurt.  Sons of the Salamander Apothecaries were the first on the scene, finding the youth concussed and unconscious, surrounded by smashed luxury liquor bottles and ruined imported Aquarian caviar.

Upon regaining consciousness, Leonidas demanded he be allowed to take the test for admittance.  Despite recovering from a concussion he excelled at the tasks set before him.  Over the protestations of his influential family and the planetary governor, Leonidas was admitted to the Sons of the Salamander.

Leonidas’ career was blood spattered and glorious.  He always seemed to be at the forefront of fighting, even as bolter support in the 9th company Devastators.  His combat prowess eventually led him to be named Company Champion of the 3rd Company.  Later, when the Sons of the Salamander command structure was killed when the Battle Barge His Hammer was destroyed, he was inducted to the 1st company .

Leonidas was the loudest voice of dissent against the transition from Sons of the Salamander to the Azure Flames.  While he shared in the vision and was convinced of its authenticity, he felt that changing the chapter would be seen as heresy.  During the conference of Nocturne where Atrus and Salamanders Chapter Master Tu’Shan argued the terms of the chapter’s change, Leonidas pushed open the doors and barged in.  His musings on compromise led to the composition of the Concord of Leonidas, a binding agreement that limited the independence of the newly named Azure Flames and closely tied them to their parent chapter, the Salamanders.  Part of this agreement (under Leonidas’ insistence) would be that the company champions of the Azure Flames wear the colors of the Sons of the Salamander, to remember the Chapter’s beginnings.

Leonidas served in the 1st company wherever fighting was hottest.  After Atrus’ interment in the sarcophagus of a Dreadnought, he personally formed Atrus’ Techmarine Bodyguard from the four most dedicated Techmarines in the chapter.  He was a constant source of irritation to Perseus (then Captain of the 1st company) due to his willfullness and stubbornness.  Leonidas was the first Space Marine on the scene of Atrus’ death, and was the first to find the statue that the Eldar had left, depicting Atrus as he was before his interment.

Atrus’ death made Perseus Chapter Master, and left a power vacuum in the 1st company.  To prevent Leonidas from continuing his insubordinate attitude, Perseus made him Captain of the 1st company.  Now Leonidas’ willful spirit is overpowered by his dizzying array of responsibilities.  After learning from Perseus the secret that Antonius was the gene-son of Atrus, Leonidas made Perseus swear that Antonius, not Leonidas would replace Perseus should he ever fall.  Leonidas is currently assembling a corps of elite bodyguards for Perseus, though Perseus finds this unneccesary as he is usually in the company of the 3rd Terminator squad in battle.

Leonidas personally returned to Nocturne following this and re-negotiated his namesake agreement.  Several provisions were suspended permanently.

Leonidas wields a custom made hammer that is much lighter and quicker than a Thunder Hammer, yet still contains powerful motion enhancers that make his blows truly powerful.  He also wields a huge Heavy Flamer one-handed as an example of what Space Marines should be able to do.

The Concord of Leonidas

Resolved,

-That the Chapter known as The Sons of the Salamander requires restructuring following the loss of their command structure, during the loss of the Battle Barge His Hammer, at the battle of Taranga VII.

-That, although independent from founding chapters, successor chapters should maintain nominal ties with their parent chapter to prevent heresy or mutation.

-That major changes to a chapters’ practices, though rare, are not deviant, so long as they remain loyal to the Emperor.

Hence,

The Chapter known as The Sons of the Salamander shall be known as The Azure Flames, and shall be acknowledged as free of heresy by their founding chapter, The Salamanders, according to the agreement below.

1. The Azure Flames recognize and continue to follow the Promethean Cult as they have done so in the past.  All Azure Flames Chaplains must preach according to the Promethean Cult, save that they are allowed to include Atrus’ vision as part of their teachings.

2. The Azure Flames will change their livery to a dark blue scheme, save the Champion of each company, who shall remain in the livery of The Sons of the Salamander, and Chaplains, who shall retain their black armour, and Apothecaries who shall retain their white armour.

3. A representative of The Azure Flames shall be sent to Nocturne in order to participate in the yearly Salamander hunt.  All spoils are the property of the contestant.

4. Apothecaries of the Salamanders shall have full access to the Azure Flames Gene Seed repository at any time, should they so choose.  Salamander Apothecaries are allowed one complete Azure Flames gene seed sample per 1,000 years to ensure genetic purity. (This Provision suspended 964.82 M41)

5. Librarians of the Salamanders shall have full access to the Azure Flames Librarium at any time, should they so choose.  Salamander Librarians are allowed as many mental scans of any Azure Flames Space Marine to satisfy that the chapter is free of heresy.  All scans are to have an Azure Flames Librarian and no other guards, for security purposes. (This Provision suspended 964.82 M41)

6. The Salamanders shall maintain a garrison of no less than ten Space Marines on the homeworld of The Azure Flames, once they choose a world to call their own. (This Provision suspended 964.82 M41)

7. Any Azure Flames fleet must report their co-ordinates to an Imperial outpost upon entry of an Imperial star system, with instructions that these co-ordinates are to be sent to Nocturne, and the Battle Barge His Anvil, or the Fortress-Monastery of the Azure Flames once it is founded. (This Provision suspended 964.82 M41)

Agreed this day, 814.76  M41

Tu’Shan, Chapter Master of The Salamanders

Chief Librarian Atrus, Chapter Master of the Azure Flames

Leonidas, Champion of the first company of the Azure Flames

Rukkstud ‘Andfoot, da Piston-Poundin’ Stormboy

Modeling

Rukkstud uses mostly parts from the new Plastic Nob box.  The feet were removed and replaced with a slugga and choppa hand.  The backpack’s base is a plank from the Ork Trukk sprue, with a new plastic Stormboy backpack and two Castellan class missiles from the Space Marine Whirlwind sprue.

The pistons are clear plastic tubes, sawed into the correct lengths.  The tubes were capped by filling the ends with putty.  The rivets are putty blobs, flattened.  The rod connecting the pistons is plasticard, inserted into holes drilled through the cured putty.  Rukkstud is mounted on a flying stand in a normal base.

Painting

Rukkstud was dipped.  Extra mud was added to the pistons, to show he usually walks on those.

Background

Orks are not afraid of injury. In fact, they live to fight. However, most Orks find being severely injured a situation of grave ponderance.

Because then you have to go to da’ Dok.

And no one wants that. Well, a few madboyz might not mind being cut on for fun, and sure some doks are good at what they do, but in Poindexta Smartyskull’s camp, Dok Gillgivva is a rightly feared icon both because of his propensity for giving a patient gills, but also because he is quite big, and strong. So, Orks injured in battle (or out of battle, as is the case with Rukkstud) often do not go to the dok, as they prefer to breathe air for what time they have left to live.

Rukkstud (who was then called Flashzagga da Reckless) chose not to go see the dok when he was injured. One of the Kans got loose again, and managed to neatly slice both of Flashzagga’s arms off. Without the arms, his Rokkit pack fell off, and nearly squished his adjutant, Runtee

Runtee, being a quick witted Grot, grabbed up his master’s arms and suggested that rather than seeing da Dok, that they see da Mek instead. Flashzagga agreed, partly because he was a quart low on blood and did not have very good decision making abilities at the time. The conversation with Manik Upzindownz went like this: 

“Oi Mek! Dat kan took me armz off at da shoulder! Youse gots any bioniks dat would make it so’z I’z still a Stormboy?” 

“Well, lemme see. First we gotta” *KLANG*

The next thing Flashzagga realized, he had a headache, he was on a table, and his arms had been replaced by giant adamantium pistons. Furious and groggy, he tore out of his restraints before Upzindowns could install the various power-assist systems needed to make lifting the piston-arms easier. Flashzagga limped out of the tent like an ape, flinging both pistons out, then balancing on them and jumping forward. He finally found that Runtee had been eaten by a Squighound, and that the hound had eaten most of his upper arms as well. Furious, Flashzagga attempted to smash the Squighound with one of the pistons. This proved difficult as the pistons were enormously heavy, but soon, the Squighound fled, and he was left with his hands. He awkwardly picked them up in his mouth, and finally went to see Dok Gillgivva.

“Dok, I’z in a bind. Dat crazee mek done gave me piston arms! I needs my hands, dok, and not any gills. Now do it wif no anna-stetic, cuz I wanna be wide awake.”

Flashzagga had always been known for his temper. The dok, sadly, put away his anesthetic mallet and considered the situation. The arms were gone, but the boy needed hands. Can’t go at the shoulders, the boy wants the pistons. Hmmmm….

” ‘Ow much you like dem feet?”

“Don’ care much for feet, gots pistons now! You finkin’ wot I’m finkin?”

He was.

After about a week of getting used to having hands at the end of his legs, Rukkstud (as he now called himself) went back to Upzindowns, finished the installation, and had him make a Rokkit pack powerful enough to lift both him and the pistons. Now, Rukkstud ‘Andfoot crashes into crowds of his enemies, pistons blazing. When he lands, his hand-foot dexterity makes his close combat skills a frightful sight to behold. His temper is still as violent as ever, and he routinely shoots or pistons Stormboyz fleeing from combat, or indeed anyone who makes fun of his prized piston-arms or hand-feet.

Memorable Games: Fighting Catachans in the Jungle, and Brother Jonathan

There was an axiom in 3rd edtion 40K: Never fight the Catachans in the Jungle.  They got all sorts of wicked benefits, and their low armor was negated by having cover saves everywhere.

During my first summer at college, we used to play in Joe’s garage.  Joe’s army choices at the time were the Angels Sacrosanct, a Blood Angels successor, and some Catachan Jungle Fighters.  Once, in Joe’s garage, we set up a jungle fight.  We used a green board, some tree bases, and created some white paper templates and strips about 3″ wide.  The templates were clearings, and the strips paths.  Everywhere else was forest.  Who wanted to fight the Catachans in such terrain?

Enter the Azure Flames, newly swelled from almost a full summer of obsessive-compulsive collecting and painting.  I took a 1500 point list that contained 11 flamers and 2 heavy flamers, all infantry.  I marched across the board, burning as I went.  Catachans don’t get cover saves from flamers.  Embarrassing Jungle Fighters in the Jungle is impressive.

Joe got his revenge.  In a normal later game Joe took a Leman Russ battle tank that sat hull down behind a chest high wall, and shrugged off every weapon fired at it.  Worse, he had some decent close combat ability, which killed at least one squad.  However there was a silver lining.  One tactical squad was whittled down to one bolter marine who stood toe-to-toe with a commander with a power weapon and a commisar with power fist, and a command squad.  This lone marine stood for SIX ROUNDS OF COMBAT, killed a few guardsmen and fought so fiercely that the commander would have fled, had the commisar not shot him in the head!  This marine was the first of my models that earned a name.  Brother Jonathan of the 2nd squad 4th company.  I still field him on a regular basis.

Jelnac, Master of the Forge of the Azure Flames with Conversion Beamer

Modeling

Jelnac’s torso is the Blood Angel Techmarine with Jump Pack torso.  Standard bike and legs.  Modded left palmtop to be textured like the right one, from Torquemada Coteaz with the Thunder Hammer.  Backpack is a standard old Techmarine Servo Arm.

The Conversion Beamer was based on the old Conversion Beamer (see pic above, the blue gun).  The Sidecar was a standard pewter attack bike sidecar.  I used a Chaos Defiler Battle Cannon mount for the hinge.  It is attached to the sidecar with a filed piece of Defiler armor and some putty.  The Chaos star was filed off, and a seven-toothed cog sculpted.  Into this cog, I pressed the filed down skull from a Servo Skull which looks like the Ad Mech logo.

The central plasma coil is a Gene Seed canister from the Battle For Macragge box set.  Sprue and plasticard rod made the rest of the body.  The lower cable is guitar wire.  The dish is a Tau Battle Suit Shield Generator, filed and puttied to be a smooth dish.  Part of a Space Marine Radar Dish antenna (the small one from the new sprue) comes up from the bottom.  The antenna is an old antenna from the 2nd ed Space Marine Vehicle sprue.

Painting

The only painting flourish I’m proud of is the screen on Jelnac’s bike.  I painted a Matrix-code-like pattern of falling green characters, blending from Scorpion Green to a mix of Snot and Dark Angels green.

Backstory

The Azure Flames are barely 400 years old as of the end of M41. How, then, did they get a Pre-Heresy weapon in their arsenal? This conversion beamer belonged to the Myridian Suns Space Marine Chapter. When they fell to Chaos, the Azure Flames cleansed their homeworld of Myridia and destroyed every last Myridian Sun. Their Geneseed was quarantined and their wargear studiously poured over by the Techmarines and Librarium of the Azure Flames to prevent the taint of Chaos from touching the chapter. Few artifacts were salvaged, most were corrupted beyond hope of salvation by the traitors, but Brother Jelnac brought forth the remains of a Conversion Beamer taken from the Master of the Forge of the Myridian Suns. The Beamer was damaged, as Jelnac had smashed part of it with his Thunder Hammer during the fight.

After being declared free of taint, the Beamer was given to Jelnac. The old power source was damaged beyond repair, and the matter inversion coil was totaled. Jelnac modified a plasma coil to replace the matter inversion coil, and mounted the beamer on a Space Marine Attack Bike to provide power. Now, one of the most ancient weapons of mankind is at the disposal of the Azure Flames.

Why they call me “The Madman”

My nickname is “The Madman” and it’s well deserved.  For those who know me, or have trawled the archives of this blog, you know that I tend to take modeling and painting seriously.  I put a lot of effort into each mini, and I don’t do jobs that are “just good enough.”  I take every aspect of the game to the extreme.  I make every model as well as I can, even taking the time to pin minis that will probably break (Privateer Press, I’m looking at you!)  I paint every model to a quality that I can be proud of, no Black Primars or three-color tabletop standards for me.  I play every game as well as I can.  I write stories that get out the creative impulses trying to break out of my brain.  This is the Four Strands ethos: take every aspect as far as you can.

This explains why some may call me “mad.”  However, it’s not how I got my name.  During my senior year at Michigan State, we had been unceremoniously kicked out of our previous playing grounds in Mary Mayo residence hall.  Rant about that will come at another time and have HUGE CUSSES.  We re-located to the basement of Owen Graduate Hall.  One day, some reporters for the local campus rag of lies and failure, The State News, arrived to chronicle our gaming club.

During their visit, we staged a game, and tried to explain our hobby to these talentless hacks.  I told them the general format of the rules, and said that there were more, showing them the rulebook.  Several other comments were made by myself and others.

EDIT: Lexington reminded me that halfway through the interview the “writer” up and left without telling his photographer!  He was so confused when his colleague ditched him.  Perhaps he was the unpopular photographer.

The next day, we read the article in the paper.  Saying that things were blown out of proportion would be an understatement.  My quotes were taken out of context, and PUT IN ALL CAPS LIEK I WAS SHOUTING!!!!!111111ONE  In addition, several other comments (regarding the insanity of Games Workshop’s business model in 2004) were attributed to me, making me sound like a deranged raving lunatic.

From then on, I was called “The Madman” and took to the nickname with a perverse sense of glee.  “Hi!  I’m The Madman!  Would you like a cookie?” *disturbing grin*

ZOMG DOUBLE EDIT: The original article here, thanks to Scott: http://statenews.com/index.php/article/2004/09/group_peacefully_participates_in_combat

Manik Upzindownz, da Mad Mek

Modeling

Manik uses the Assault on Black Reach plastic Warboss.  His Big Shoota was cut out of his hand, and his hand was cut off and turned 90 degrees to hold the handlebars of the bike.  The wrist was joined with putty.  The legs were modded to fit a bike, which included destroying the tabard.  The Arrows are cut from plasticard.

The Trike Conversion entailed using a regular Ork Bike wheel for the third wheel and a Trukk wheel for the front wheel.  The third wheel was held on using the ammo belt as an extension.  The guns include two Ork Bike guns and an Imperial Guard Autocannon.  Extra Ammo canisters were added.  The Front shocks of the bike were sawn apart, and the main bars replaced with bent brass rods.  The Plasma Cannon comes from the old pewter Chaos Space Marine Dreadnought.  The bit was sawed apart using a jeweler’s saw which was INTENSELY PAINFUL to do.  The jaws are standard Ork Bike fronts.

Painting was done using the standard dipping method.  Extra care was given to the reds and yellows to make them pop.  Boltgun metal was added to edges on the back banner to make it appear worn.

Background

Never challenge a Weirdboy to a Staring Contest. Not even if the prize is the tastiest squig you’ve ever seen.

Mag da Mekboy made this mistake. For two years he hung out with the Madboys, making as much sense as a Grot Warboss, until he attempted to open up his head to fix his broken wires. Amazingly, he succeeded, and put his brain back in, half upside down.

Ever since then, he has managed to be at least coherent on good days, alternating with barking mad on bad days. Some boyz say that he even talks different when he’s gone off the deep end, like a different Ork altogether. This earned him his name, Manik Upzindownz.

Years of madness honed his imagination, and he is responsible for Smartyskull’s one Gargant, a massive smoking monstrosity called “Da Gentul Teddy Bear.” Do not ask Manik why; he will shoot you in the kneecaps.

In battle, Manik is rarely seen without his Shokk Attack Gun (on “stable days”) or his souped up Dakkabike 9000 (on less than stable days). He fights for Smartyskull because a half super-ork-brained, half humie-machine-brained hulking warlord who enjoys tea and smashing stuff is the obviouschoice for a leader. He is the only one of Smartyskulls Lieutenants that requires absolutely no bribery.

Often, this forces Smartyskull to put Upzindownz in command of raids he cannot attend, though Smartyskull is often afraid Upzindowns will not follow orders and instead lose it entirely and orate about the beauty of the squighound’s bark for hours on end, as he does bi-weekly at scheduled speeches attended by the bored or stupid.